To create or not to create?

This is a look at my experiences of being a creative person, while being torn between passion and reality. I’ll also be discussing how having a speech impediment has stunted my career growth and narrowed my options. All thoughts expressed are purely my own opinions and experiences.

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A purple damask illustration with abstract decorations, branches and leaves. I love making wallpapers and aim to license my work out for merchandise.

From the outset, one of the GCSEs I was set on was art, it was by far my favourite subject up until that point. I loved walking in and being hit with the smell of acrylic paint. You could always tell which students did art because they’d carry around these giant folders with their work in and I was always dying to have a look. I couldn’t wait to spend time on my own artwork, in a lesson that didn’t feel like school at all. However, actually doing my art GCSE was a different story. Of course I understand that teachers have a curriculum they have to follow, but I don’t think I made any art that was something I actually wanted to paint. We were always limited to transcribing select pieces that the teacher had picked from a set few artists. However, by far the most frustrating thing was when it came to our personal projects, the only chance we’d have to actually interpret the brief in our own ways. You’d come up with an idea and dread going to the teacher for approval, knowing that you’d come back with a completely different plan that you were forced to do. After all, the teacher would be the one marking all your work. To make matters worse, you’d then have to write about what the piece symbolised and justify why you made the decisions you didn’t even make. By the end of it all, I was glad to be finished. Once I reached Year 11 and thought about what I wanted to do after secondary school, I settled on becoming a makeup artist. I’d enjoyed putting makeup on myself since I was a tween, as many girls do. I’d just started getting into alternative fashion and music at around 13, which inspired me to experiment more with self-expression. I’ve probably spent hundreds of hours over the course of my life just putting on makeup, because I enjoy the transformation and love to change my look everyday. Recently I did my own verison of this starter pack trend, where artists draw themselves and things that represent who they are. As you can see, I made sure to include a bit of make-up as it's a large part of my identity.

The "starter pack" trend, where the artist draws themselves and some items that represent them. I chose a mini doll of a game character, my parrot, headphones, a Nintendo Switch, makeup, umbrella and platform boots.

I started my Level 2 makeup and hair diploma in September of 2017, excited to finally get my foot in the door. Despite all the flaws with the course (which is a topic for an another day entirely), I absolutely loved being given the opportunity to create my own art again. This time, we were afforded much more freedom to create what we wished, while being given actual constructive criticism. However, there was something that was still preventing me from realising my potential, my stutter. Thus far, I’d been able to skirt around certain responsibilities, allowing me to avoid situations where I knew it would cause an issue. Unfortunately for me, being in the beauty industry requires a lot of networking and heavily relies upon verbal communication. It was something I hadn’t really considered up until that point, perhaps an indication of my nativity or purely avoidance. It became clear to me that a highly social job was not for me at that time. On top of that, I missed writing academically. We had a couple of anatomy exams, which I weirdly enjoyed. It made me reevaluate what my future goals were. Strictly speaking, you don’t need a makeup qualification for most industry jobs, just demonstrable experience in the field. With that in mind, I wanted to get back into academia and put my writing skills to use. It was something that I felt I was almost wasting by going into beauty. I could always come back to makeup after. I was lucky to go to a secondary school that offered Psychology GCSE, which I throughly enjoyed, far more than art. I found social science fascinating, especially the study of criminal behaviour. And with that, I completed my A-levels in psychology, criminology and sociology. It provided a great foundation to then progress onto a criminology degree, which I absolutely loved doing.

 I’d rather fail than never try and regret it!

Getting an iPad for university was one of the best decisions I made, it allowed me to type, handwrite and finally, go back to creating art. Digital art is quite a different experience to traditional paint and canvas. Some people view it as cheating, but it still requires a great deal of skill. The best thing, in my opinion, is the fact that it makes art more accessible for people like myself who find it hard to get started on things. I can take my iPad wherever I go and draw with the effect of oil, charcoal and ink, without the mess. I can work in layers, making it less confusing, and undo my mistakes, making it less intimidating. The worst part of using Procreate, or most digital art software, is the cost it takes to access it. Not only do you have to buy the device, which is sometimes over a thousand pounds, you then have to pay for a program (many of which are locked behind a subscription). Of course there are free options, but I’ve never found one I’ve preferred over a paid option. Being introduced to Adobe Creative Suite gave me a glimpse into an industry that is gate-kept by money. Although there are free programs, Adobe is considered the industry standard. Fortunately for them, that means they’re pretty much guaranteed hundreds of pounds from each of their users every year. It makes it virtually impossible for many to get into digital art and graphic design as a result. Of course, there’s always traditional art, but living in the digital age means you’ll have to transfer these to digital mediums anyway a lot of the time. After all, selling originals of artwork means parting with the original that you spent numerous hours creating, for a high price. That’s one of the upsides of working digitally, it allows artists to replicate their work far more easily, which in turn means they can be sold at a much lower price. I recognise that art is a luxury to both make and buy, but does that mean we should view every pleasure in life as unnecessary? Especially since the pandemic, many simply can’t afford hundreds for an exclusive painting. On top of that, the sad reality of many artists is that no matter how amazing their art is, there are simply not enough customers for us all to make it our full-time occupation. At the end of the day, it is a business where one must submit to the target market to survive.

Which brings me to my next topic, is it even worth pursuing a hobby as a career? We’ve all heard the phrase that if you “love your job, you never work a day in your life”, but is this really true? Because creatives often have to work to a brief or their client’s direction, their creativity is funnelled into following someone else’s vision. But thinking about the alternatives, would I rather do that? If I went into makeup as I originally planned, I’d more than likely be stuck doing natural and bridal looks the majority of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I still understand and appreciate the precision and attention to detail that goes into those styles, but it would bore me to death. My ideal job in makeup would be in theatre or drag makeup, that allows the transformation that side of  makeup allows. I use a lot of drag techniques in my daily routine because I like making a statement, but I understand that I’m in the very small minority. I’ll never forget a conversation I had with one of my closest friends, who also happens to be absolutely amazing at digital illustration. I asked her why she hadn’t pursued an art career, to which she responded that having the stress of deadlines and stubborn clients would suck the joy out of creating art. It really opened my eyes because I hadn’t fully considered that my love for makeup could become a chore. I liked the freedom I had when getting myself ready, which I wasn’t likely to have in the actual industry. I occasionally still get people ask me if I work in beauty. I definitely take it as a compliment, but it’s always a  bittersweet moment. For a second, I imagine what it would be like to do their makeup, and wonder if I made the right choice. At least with a “boring” job, you look forward to your free time because you have time to make whatever art you want.

Jumping back to where I am currently, I’m still trying to find that balance between finding a stable job that I can do with my stutter, and building a career in a sector I’m passionate about. One of the reasons I picked up graphic design was because it acts as a kind of middle ground. I can create a form of art, but it is still distinct from my true artistic passions. I can use my love for learning and research to find out how to appeal to a market, and make those ideas come to life through art. I’m not someone who’s particularly comfortable getting behind a camera, but writing someone else’s content is something I can really see myself doing as a career. However, as it seems to be on brand for me, I’ve hit a few walls on this journey already. The main issue is that I don’t have any formal graphic design experience, or a degree, which many of the jobs that suit me require. You can sometimes get away with a marketing or journalism degree, which I obviously don’t have either. That left me with the option of learning all the skills I need by myself, which has been a slow but steady process. There’s so much to learn, all the while I want to be building up my portfolio.

Meanwhile, a lot of jobs don’t require you to create things from scratch, as they want things done quickly. Of course I understand that they can’t always wait for someone to spend hours on a single graphic or icons, but it makes me wonder if it’s really worth pursuing graphic design? While Canva is a good tool for people to quickly make designs, I can’t help but feel as if it’s partly cheating. Even if it’s not as bad as AI, it feels disingenuous to present all these pre-made elements in work I’m being paid for? As it happens, I’m transparent regarding my methods and have used both Affinity and Canva to create my work. It’s a difficult topic to navigate. After all, some people consider digital art, with all its brush packs and helpful tools, to also be cheating too. I think from now on it’ll always be a part of the art industry and as technology develops, it's important to have these kind of discussions for those looking to make art their career. Which still leaves us with the question of whether it’s worth pursing art professionally, and in answer to that I say yes. After all, I’d rather fail than never try and regret it!

With all that being said, have a look at my work and send anyone in need of social media my way! Within the next month I'll be ready to take clients, so by the time you're reading this I'll likely be available!

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